I am the ant under the magnifying glass..

Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart! Else it may be their miserable fortune, when some mightier touch than their own may have awakened all her sensibilities, to be reproached even for the calm content, the marble image of happiness, which they will ha...ve imposed upon her as the warm reality. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

breaking away from me.

my condition does not confine nor define me.

story of my life

"LOVE your hard times. Thank them, because they are going to give you the credibility you need to change peoples lives." - Carolyn Harrell

under chaos I find
heavens colliding in frayed emotions
forgotten reveries smiling at the dawn
where the innocent whispers of his heart makes the angels sigh

ascending in storm of light
...love is liberation

mute.d & ruinous

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~ Ambrose Redmoon

"Write on my gravestone: Infidel, Traitor.—infidel to every church that compromises with wrong; traitor to every government that oppresses the people."
~ Wendell Phillips

remind me..

# You have to keep your mind well fed, so write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind feeling nourished and make sure you’re giving them room in your life.

# Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or aren’t good enough to get what you want.

# Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.

# Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself and look for a way that that inner dialog can be improved. Ask yourself, “What would make this easier?”

Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimize or diminish each one.

Listen to your doubts but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you’ve heard them. Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards.

Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped back form an opportunity? Don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on. Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make next time?

Don’t get swept up in the drama of what’s happening right now, look for more useful ways of engaging with what happens in your life.

# Trust your instincts. They know what they’re talking about.

You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.

Fear is a way of letting you know that you’re about to stretch yourself and grow your confidence. That’s a good thing, so use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away.

Forget the pro’s and con’s – do something bold in the face of your challenges and fears.

The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body into a confident state can have surprising results.

# Shy with new people? Not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with being shy and it doesn’t mean you’re not confident. Just don’t overthink it, start beating yourself up or thinking you’re less than because you’re shy – the more you think like that the worse it gets.

# Your environment directly impacts your self-perception, so if you’re surrounded by clutter, paperwork and rubbish put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get
organized.

The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list the more it’ll drain you and the bigger it’ll seem – get it done and free yourself up.

# What golden threads, themes, patterns and passions have always been in your life? If those things aren’t present in your life right now, you need to shift your priorities.

Try a new path. The well-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to apathy and disconnection. A new path wakes you up.

# Make a plan to do something, then make deliberate choices to follow through. Seeing progress gives you important self-reinforcement.

# When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralyzed with doubt or fear, switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.

*selfmade list from
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html

"I have died many a death in love, and yet, had I not loved I would never have lived at all." ~ David Lasater

there are pieces of me breaking in sorrow's thunder
I've kissed the lips of apathy
& tasted love's soured tongue
...I miss the way you feel

vegetarian taco 'meat' pizza

whole wheat pita
salsa for sauce. I added balsamic for extra flavor.
chopped green peppers
diced purple onion
diced jalapenos
corn, black beans
shredded cheddar
taco 'meat' ~ recipe follows

all ingredients are organic, of course use what you have access to.




taco 'meat'

1/4 c apple
3/4 c nuts. for this pizza I used 1/4 c flax seed, 1/4 c raw walnuts, 1/4 c raw almonds
salt
pepper
1 1/2 t chili powder
1 1/4 t tabasco
1 1/4 t chopped dried onion


combine ingredients in food processor. sprinkle over pita with other ingredients. heat in toaster oven 350 for 15 to 20 minutes.



still looking to perfect the seasoning of the 'meat'. turned out amazing though.

symphony for solace revisted

this is me..

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect: it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. ~ Buddhist Teaching

"When you're inspired, your heart sings in appreciation for every breath; and you're tolerant, joyful, and loving." - Dr. Wayne Dye

a.pathetic society

a beautiful corpse
in storm of light & rapture
lust & fire
a whispering soul severed in hymns of death
'...lie to me'
we drink blood of innocence
slaughter the bleeding deaf
idolizing .cowards. man made gods

I saw you in my dreams
broken soul
slowly fading gray.ed
gentle spirit, lost in hope

energies aflame
crashing in a silver haze
my heart bleeds poetry for you

soulfire

I tasted forgotten words on your lips
tragically beautiful
the sky crying moonlit tears

crystallized
& lost in that moment
...breathe me in

noitu(love)r

dirty little stitches in every mute.d breath
& with every single slit that kissed my wrists
love felt like spiritual crucifixion

you.

you are awakening something beautiful inside you just by reading this.

(((peace)))
(((love)))
(((happiness)))

surprise surprise..

who would of thought being dumped 5 minutes after sex would have such a negative effect on me? ...intimacy & sense of self issues. great..

the world through espresso eyes

sometimes I envy children. that innocence that allows us to see the world with absolute amazement. the ability to create ourselves. anything is possible until we are told otherwise. children are a constant reminder to stay present in the chaos of our afflicted minds. part of losing our innocence is from the act of always being told no & 'you cant do that'. what would you do if you knew you could do anything? what reality would you create for yourself? would you change the world? the only thing holding you back you, is you. stop making excuses.

mistake:

the assumption that 'I love you' needs a reply..

edification

I seek peace in a madman's land
hungry wolves of society's apathy howling in the distance
victim to crosses
religion breaks backs of free will

symphony for solace

frailty in doubt

inside me the angels hide
playing requiems of sorrow on blackened wings
ripped from spine.
I hung love on a broken soul
& whispered goodbye..

'when my heart died
I scattered it's ashes where freedom grows wild
under the fallen kingdoms of heaven..
it waits there for you..'
words rolled silken spun
blood stained.red & love.less
spiraling enigmatic from his quivering lips

Universal laws decree that we permit love, compassion, and understanding to bathe our mind and the minds of humanity. To the degree that we think and act in harmony with this decree, inner wars will cease to exist within our mind and heart and also within the world of humanity. ~ via Spiritual Laws That Govern Humanity and the Universe

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what gets you out of bed in the mornings, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. ~ Fr. Pedro Arrupe

your future is calling..

sad thing is, 'they' only have the power we allow them to have. too many people take whats handed to them by the government instead of questioning whats right & creating that for themselves & our country. you have a voice. use it or lose your right to complain.

(sub)conscious musings

stuck stuck stuck. how can it be so easy to be aware of my awareness & ability to make the conscious shift from an anxiety ridden, self pitying mess with agoraphobic tendencies to being at complete peace, cuz when I'm down I feel so helpless, like my world is collapsing inward.

I was told once I needed to be able to look at myself like my best friend. would I be so critical & quick to judge then? would I obsess about how when I smile one eye always closes more than the other? or how my head is too big & my ears & nose make me look mousy? or would I learn to accept & love these things like a real friend should?

today my soul was at ease. a tranquility I'm hoping projects onto others in my presence. so 1 outta 7 isnt bad. at least I have that.

A(un)t.ruth

Name: Kandice

Origin and Meaning of the Name Kandice


Gender:Girl

Origin:Greek
Meaning:Fire-white

Origin:Latin
Meaning:Pure

Pronunciation:(KAN diss)

hell~o me, its me again.

I never wanted to exist just to exist. something shifted in me today when I realized this.. static.. I've felt it for years. an isolated mind in a world full of apathetic billions. somehow it helped to put me at ease a bit. but sadly this 'closing in' feeling is nothing new.

the death of the worlds perception is the beginning of reality..

under tarnished tears of hope
I would wait for you until the heavens collapse
until the moon collides with the sun
the stars will forever whisper of our love

thats what she said

the fates of crowns are weak. ~ bailey, 5 yrs

the social stigma of emotion

neath the dystopia of spiritual decay
I scrawled his name in loveless letters cross the blackened stars
...stellar giants unfurling in their slumber

the disconnection of life between the shadows has stitched shut my sorrowed lips

'there is no heaven..' his voice pained
'the angels have died
& love does not exist.'
...mirrored self affliction dripping from his self righteous tongue

do any of you believe in soul-mates? whats your definition of the word? mine: one soul inhabiting two bodies. be it relationship or friend wise. a feeling of home. of a deeply rooted connection to the universe, to the oneness of things.

our energy will be entangled in the heavens for all eternity

thank you universe

Your sensitivity is running strong now that the Moon is in empathic Cancer, allowing you to play out your role as the artist or poet today. It's a smart idea to pull out your craft supplies or musical instruments and get busy. But this is more than just a reminder to create or perform; it's also about contacting your subconscious through your meditations and dreams. Anything that keeps you in touch with your spirit guides will ultimately bring you closer to your desired destination.

between the gardens

re.written

I've never been a traditional girl. I write my own rules when it comes to matters of the heart. I am clad in a dreamer's hope, making smoke signals with my beggar's blanket, praying my love will soon follow. Gives a whole new meaning to keeping warm, doesn't it?

I have been blessed..

heaven.less. daze

lightening splits the sky
& I feel the words roll off your lips
bored(or)less
like a 1000 nights in 60 seconds
endless
& I'm lost in you