I just.. idk..

I feel so stupid. wtf. I'm going to ruin my relationship, one of the best things thats ever happened to me if I cant move on. why cant I just let it go.. I must be one of the worst girlfriends ever..

sometimes

I fear the only place I'll ever find love is in my dreams..

be(lie)ve me

no, I dont miss you.

I am the ant under the magnifying glass..

um..???

giant screaming warning sign or what? first my horoscope then this is the first thing I see on twitter when I havnt paid attention to that site in days.

Things are not always as they appear. Be mindful not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions based on observation alone.

today..

trying not to feel guilty about hurting someone because I have to take care of me.. he broke my heart by ending the relationship. I now break his by ending the friendship. (& batter my own a little more in the process) I hope one day it doesnt hurt as much.. for now I'm still licking my wounds.

I miss my best friend, more than anything I ever have. I'm sorry Mr. Fino..

like the washing off of stains..

so..

seems the only one I'll ever be able to really count on is myself.. dont they teach this growing up?

sometimes

even the best intentions cant fixed a fucked up situation

"Be Patient And Tough; One Day This Pain Will Be Useful"


My fingers tremble dialing your number
"Hello, you've reached the rest of my life. I'm sorry I don't have time for your
love right now but please leave your broken heart at the beep & I'll be sure to get back to you when its convenient to me."

*from my piece The 11:35 to Phoenix
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/2969/

at points

I feel I can no longer trust anyone to be who they appear to be anymore. when did things become so fake? maybe I'm just too full of love to see it sometimes.. pseudo salutations.. the world.. everything is so plastic some days. how do people in your day to day life, that have been there for years, that you'd trust everything with become such.. so.. hollow. is the only reality my own?

Ny, Ny

funny how the idea of some things can make you realize you're not as ok as you previously thought.

just barely breathing

I've done something I'm not proud of.. I hope to be able to forgive myself for it one day.

relationships with friends are always a good idea on paper, just like my experiences with men. then what happens when things go wrong? I lose 2 friends in one month. I think my loneliness has lead to some things out of character.. & then everybody gets hurt. I feel.. less. & empty again. I was selfish & wrong & I wish I could tell her I'm sorry..

its been a hell of a month. though peace amongst chaos sounds impossible, I hope to find my balance.

its times like this I try to look at the beautifully unexpected things, connections & friends that I do have. & that means more than anything.

*just
breathe*

late night thought

they say you can really can die from a broken heart..