I'm learning to be thankful for every experience I've had. life is happening for me, not to me..

at·a·vism (t-vzm)
n.
1. The reappearance of a characteristic in an organism (biologically, culturally, creatively) after several generations of absence.
2. An individual or a part that exhibits atavism, the tendency to revert to ancestral type, the root, the source, the deadly atom.
3. Rediscovery and progression; spiritual archeology; using the wildfires of the past to light your way.

To renounce all craving for what is not obtained unsought and to be satisfied with what comes unsought, without being elated or depressed even by them - this is contentment. (Yogavishistha Ramayana)

Kick Ass, eggs & p.b.

so even with stitching open wounds & a new found peace I still am finding things I have to disconnect my love from. things you wouldnt expect to hurt, like a movie you watched together. food, smells.. I think it stems from a leftover sense of rejection. & even while I know now I wasnt rejected, that the unnamed party had too many issues of his own to deal with, theres a part of me thats still attempting to shake it. no one man has ever carved his name on my heart like this. maybe the feeling of rejection is layered with a want for love.. whatever is, I look forward to the day my soul is rid of it completely.

*for those of you following me here, thank you. it means more than you know. although 'articles' like this were more for my sake, to vent really, I do hope I can possibly help someone, anyone to know they are not the only one feeling these ways. comments are always welcome. xx

heaven awaits.

finally.. after 8 months I am at peace. a 4 hour call, some vintage emotions & a broken innocence splayed before me.. finally.. I can just breathe.

love is precious. love is life. shattered souls are too common these days. hopefully one day they will find peace. until then, my heart aches for you..

in the ruins of vanity

there was a time he was the all around never ending of me
the upside of down in me..
I used to bend myself beautiful in pretty words & a lover's hope..
I'd leave my heart written on dying stars
crimsoned in flames,
coiled in my love
scattered in miles of heavens he'd never look up to see

I was left barely there
standing naked, dressed in silence before the storm
...if only I had loved myself that way...

I have found life since then
scribbled on the sides of mystic moons
& cavernous pains
free from ego stained trappings
splayed in naked innocence
& severed stitches..

breaking away from me.

my condition does not confine nor define me.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect: it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. ~ Buddhist Teaching

"When you're inspired, your heart sings in appreciation for every breath; and you're tolerant, joyful, and loving." - Dr. Wayne Dye

the ego dwells in the subconscious, the negative thought process. its cancerous to the soul. are you present enough feel the self pity manifesting into physical pain? like the cold steel of a knife twisting between shoulder blades. sometimes its a thick black liquid smoke boiling up inside of you. pay attention to this shift. your conscious breath will bleed out that dark energy. remember to meditate for balance.

welcome to my world

Saturday, July 3, 2010

You may be on a life-long quest to find balance in your world. If this is true, then today can bring the birth of a new purpose, for the current imbalance may not be letting you rest. First you rush ahead into something new, yet you still struggle to let down your protective walls. Ultimate harmony may be elusive, but you'll feel better now if you simply moderate the extremes.