Wednesday, August 31, 2011

sex is the ultimate meditation.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Saturday, August 27, 2011

It's all come to this
A war for control
To cleanse eden of impurities in death
Where all is deception
Lost in shadows
& the one they fear
Is the devil inside

Thursday, August 25, 2011

inside, I'm screaming.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
— The Invitation , Oriah Mountain Dreamer
'One of the hardest things to do in this world is to watch someone you love & care about lose themselves right before your tear filled eyes. All because they think they aren’t good enough to be loved, don’t deserve to have real love, and they can’t see how beautiful of a person they truly are.

You’re basically forced to watch the person you love slowly die in front of you from the inside out. The only thing you can do is keep them in your heart, hold their heart inside of you forever & never allow yourself to forget the Angel that they will always be in your eyes.

I will remember who you really are until the day I take my last breath. That I promise you.'
“When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration of knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do you cant change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.”
— Chase Brooks

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

can I be so dramatic as to say I'm wondering these days if I even exist? a silly question perhaps, but given the current circumstances of my situation I'd have to say all I'm doing is existing. cuz I'm sure as hell not living.

I'm in (a) s.hell

Saturday, August 20, 2011

“Love, however, cannot be forbidden. The more that flame is covered up, the hotter it burns. Also love can always find a way. It was impossible that these two whose hearts were on fire should be kept apart.”
— Edith Hamilton (Mythology: Pyramus and Thisbe)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

love is a fight. but sometimes it feels safer to stand at a distance so I can watch it lie on the ground bleeding & poke it with a stick.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

“it took me too long to realize that i don’t take good pictures cuz i have the kind of beauty that moves…”
— ani difranco
Do not pity the dead, pity the living. Above all, pity those who live without love.

Friday, August 12, 2011

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
— Louise Erdrich
will you be mine til the last star dies?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

“The 5th dimension is the dimension of dreams and the collective experience of humanity. The sixth dimension is described as the world of spirits, and the home of Pachamama, the Earth Mother. It is the place where one can encounter spirit guides, totem animals, or even have communication with deceased relatives or ancestors. The snakes and the eels I encountered were a part of this dimension. I had been to this place before, and gotten there a few different ways. One occasion I was laughing with my late Grandfather Aubrey whom I never met, which has contributed to me adopting his name, my born middle name, as my common name. Those who smoke DMT almost always reach this dimension directly, and frequently talk about the beings they encounter there. Until the second session, the 6th dimension was as far as I have ever gone.
The 7th dimension is described as an energetic dimension, where you encounter extremely large, non-personal entities. During my first ayahuasca meditation Maestro Orlando gave me a peek into the seventh dimension with his sonic teleporter. I wasn’t there long enough to encounter any ships such as those encountered in my second session, but I had made a breach, and that was important. The entities which I perceived as ships, were explained to me as benevolent entities whose purpose was to prepare me for travel to the 8th dimension. The organic floating mass pulled out whatever weight might have hindered me in my journey, and the metallic ship uploaded the source code that would allow me to function in the penultimate ring of existence.

The 8th dimension is the last dimension before the ninth dimension, which is oneness with all creation. Any beings encountered in the 8th dimension are by default entirely benevolent as nothing impure could exist on so high a plane. They say it is the realm of the angels, for lack of a better word. I didn’t encounter any beings, but what I did experience was pure potentiality—the ability to affect change in all dimensions below the 8th. I was able to play a small part in healing a sick friend, see him as he lay in his bed, scan my own body for illness, removing impurities on the spot, and visualize my entire life as a flow of energy, from every aspect of business to personal destiny. There was a challenge in reintegrating with the life I left running like a treadmill on full speed, but one month after my paradigm shifting session, my friend is healthier than ever, my glands have not been swollen for the first time in 12 years, and my business is thriving.

What else is possible in the 8th dimension? I don’t know… But part of my mission in life is to find out.”

C. Aubrey Marcus (via his blog

This was explained to him by legit Peruvian Shaman. You can hear the whole experience on The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast
at a glance I knew what it was to fold myself into you
to weep among wilting lilies
& sigh at the sound of my heart breaking..

“Love makes you empty — empty of jealousy, empty of power trips, empty of anger, empty of competitiveness, empty of your ego and all its garbage. But love also makes you full of things which are unknown to you right now; it makes you full of fragrance, full of light, full of joy.”
— Osho

"Spiritual wholeness or unity is key to the personal ascension process. Unless we attain wholeness or unity within our spiritual selves, we will not be able to ascend or reach higher consciousness. Spiritual wholeness or unity is simply the balancing, harmonizing and uniting of our inner male/sun/yang and our inner female/moon/yin. When we unite our inner male and female, we birth the son which is our Christ Consciousness which is our connection to our higher self. Our higher self is androgynous, so we must ourselves become energetically androgynous or whole in order to connect with our higher self or Christ Consciousness."


“Soulmates are our soul family, the ones we do have many lifetimes and experiences with, who help us grow and evolve, create and dissipate karma. According to ancient wisdom, when the soul is “born” or descended from Source, it is created in a group. The souls in this group are our soulmates, ones who are very like us in frequency makeup. Then each of these souls is split into two, creating the twins.

A soulmate is someone you are close to at a soul level, and with whom you have had many shared experiences in different lifetimes, in various kinds of relationships — siblings, parent-child, best friend, as well as romantic relationships. There is a deep love for each other, and a spiritual bond that sets them apart from the superficiality of most other people in your life. Conversations are generally deep, about personal growth and service to make the world a better place. We can have many soulmates in our lives, and they come to us to help us grow spiritually.”

twin flames

“What is a Twin Flame?

Twin flames, also called twin souls, are literally the other half of our soul. We each have only one twin, and generally after being split the two went their separate ways, incarnating over and over to gather human experience before coming back together. Ideally, this happens in both of their last lifetimes on the planet so they can ascend together. So you probably haven’t had many lifetimes with your twin.

Each twin is a complete soul, not half a soul. It is their task to become more whole, balancing their female and male sides, and ideally become enlightened, before reuniting with their twin. This reunion is of two complete and whole beings. All other relationships through all our lives could be said to be “practice” for the twin, the ultimate relationship.

Twin Flame reunions are the most fulfilling relationships we can enter into as humans, on all levels. However, twin flame couples have been extremely rare on the planet, and for good reasons, which will be described later. Despite this, we are finding that more and more twins are finding each other now, because of the acceleration of spiritual transformation and opportunities for soul evolution we are all experiencing. People are evolving and learning and healing at such a fast rate that they are getting ready for their twins faster. What used to take lifetimes to learn and heal, people are now going through in years or even months. This is the astounding level of acceleration we and the planet are going through.

When twins get together, it is for some kind of spiritual service work. This is their primary reason for finding each other, because through their union a huge birthing of creative energy is released, to be used for their mission together. More and more twins are attempting to get together now to help the planet and humanity make a big shift forward in consciousness.

However, many of these attempts at reunion are unsuccessful because the individual people are not quite ready for the intensity of a twin flame union. It is more intense than any other union, and this intensity is at a soul level, not as much in the physical or even emotional bodies. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a good attraction at those levels as well, but the strongest attraction is of spirit. This is one of the distinguishing characteristics of a twin soul. Many people think they have met their twin because the attraction is so intense, but it is a karmic attraction, one of need or bodily desire rather than the Divine Love of twins.

Your chance of meeting and staying with your twin depends on how evolved your soul is, and how much of your baggage from this and past lives you have cleared. The biggest reason twins have to separate after coming together is their individual emotional baggage. Because in the presence of your twin, there can be nothing between you, nothing blocking your closeness. This means that everything comes up for healing that you haven’t previously healed. Everything!
I dont know what I did to deserve him. but even when I feel like I dont, I know better..

he saves me..

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Eric & Sookie

Tell her I was born the night she found me, and because of her, I went to my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her thank you.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

“But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us.” ~ Paulo Coelho
what has no conditions but one condition?

'heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.'

Friday, August 5, 2011

I will walk, white velvet fire on (a) summer daze ~ in edification for mute souls ~ behind the winds ~ blowing kisses in reveries of love..
“When your love is pure or spiritual, there is no demand, no expectation. There is only the sweetest feeling of spontaneous oneness with the human being or beings concerned.”
— Sri Chinmoy
I am a heartbeat, beloved of the sky, stretching wide a blinding light, a flame moving before the winds to the ends of heaven & earth. instantly, I travel through the sky, striding east & west. the arbour of heaven opens its arms & when I cleave the tempest, he roars in pain.

~ unknown

Thursday, August 4, 2011

“Some people meet the way the sky meets the earth, inevitably, and there is no stopping or holding back their love. It exists in a finished world, beyond the reach of common sense.”
— Louise Erdrich
'If you were to press your heart close up against somebody else’s heart eventually your hearts will start beating at the same time. And two little babies in an incubator, their hearts will beat at the same time. So if you have somebody in your life that is prone to anxiety, like myself, and if you happen to be a calm person, you could come up and hug me heart to heart and my heart hopefully would slow to yours. And i just love that idea. Or maybe yours would speed up to mine. But either way,

we’ll be together.'
“I think maybe love
is just the realization
that your heart is theirs.”

- tyler knott gregson

edwin mccain ~ i'll be

The strands in your eyes
That color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath

Emeralds from mountains
Thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows
Of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival
You're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows
Of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've dropped out
I've burned up
I've fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in
Turned on
Remembered the things you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

its a funny thing that I'm still breathing with my heart being so far away..

piece of a message from my bf. (still outa states)

'Can't you feel that? Don't you? That it isn't just wanting or thinking... You *know* I am your entire future. My family. My heart.'

...enraptured.. & breathless..

I am so insanely, no strings attached, without a doubt head over heels in love with this man..

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

our souls are entangled in the stars..
through you I feel the heartbeat of the universe..
the absence of your presence makes my heart feel like a phantom limb. I miss you so much..
he buries the secrets of me underneath his s(k)in

Monday, August 1, 2011

“If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything, give everything up”
— Lao Tzu
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
— Bob Marley

to seek

This man of the infinite would seek despair as if life didn’t dish out enough. Never feeling quite as alive when the burden upon his shoulders was lifted, he made the usual mistake. For him never a mistake at all, seeking the infinite jest in life. Hoping to feel the emptiness of being alone, but never capturing it. Pulling and grasping to feel loneliness, alas, feeling the shadow cast in an empty room. A shadow other than his own or the mere fact his own shadow was enough to hinder such a search.

Amongst a gathering he never felt distant from the whole, this was not saddening. It irritated him like nothing else. Pondering life in his empty bourbon the bartender fills him up once again. Making pleasant conversation in the moment, then irate once again for this hunger felt for company.

This wish to just be, what a maddening goal. Perhaps the finite would suit much better, though, the grass is always greener. Experience is key. In lieu of such times, he orders a vodka. To feel the sting, the burn, to experience the strain of drink. Taking slow generous swigs, allowing the burn to slide down. Trying to keep a straight face, never showing outwardly the inner turmoil of the soul. Black soot hiding the burning log.

to seek, more

With much consideration, for he had little to do with himself but ponder the VOID, he self-diagnosed with being quite clever. Self-deception kept him as devil’s advocate; it’s what kept such a man going. All those days knowing, wanting much but always walking the line of absurdity and impossibility. A limbo of sorts

The divine eye has passed its gaze as it seems, he has cast his gaze just as well. Confidence is of no lacking matter, striving head first into the flames of opposition. Arrogance following behind, nipping wildly. In absence of reality a body was seated beside. Jarring his absence back enough to greet the neighboring soul.
the universe starts with a whisper.. & ends with a scream..
“the aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”
— henry miller