one way or the other I told you we'd set the world on fire ~ I leave you my heart in the smoldering ashes ~ shattered & buried neath our broken dreams

I wish

I never loved you.

eulogy for hope.

one day,
I'll leave my heart somewhere I never loved you,
because I have always loved you..

some days

'even the strongest sense of self couldn't wash you off me..'

all I want for christmas

is my heart back..

'with elegies curling up my spine
carving into my mind
that I.. am just an afterthought..'

*excerpt from my piece 'Funeral Dirge'

my heart, it still bleeds
on the floor where you left it
neath your selfish shoes

'I pointed out to you the stars and all you saw was the tip of my finger.' ~ African proverb

tell me..

why does the universe still scream your name?..

'does it hurt to feel me feel you?'

in the ruins of vanity

there was a time he was the all around never ending of me
the upside of down in me..
I used to bend myself beautiful in pretty words & a lover's hope..
I'd leave my heart written on dying stars
crimsoned in flames,
coiled in my love
scattered in miles of heavens he'd never look up to see

I was left barely there
standing naked, dressed in silence before the storm
...if only I had loved myself that way...

I have found life since then
scribbled on the sides of mystic moons
& cavernous pains
free from ego stained trappings
splayed in naked innocence
& severed stitches..

of lace & scathefire

he stitched himself in the hems of my mind
in the fringe of beautiful disarray
where midnight sprites dance upon ponds of ebony
in the twisting silence of ancient willows
where passion was life..
breath..
in lost reveries of a heart long forgotten
cast aside
for the love of self
for something more..

...

why was everything else more important to you than me..?

well well.

I think it hurts more than anything to know I still love him. that I still care. when 'sometimes I felt more alone than he had time for.' all these months later.. & for what really? only to be shown the same thing as when we were dating. some things (like a music career) are just more important. emotional obligation is too much for some people.. I guess no matter how close you were, when one person cares more than the other, some friendships you just cant save..

apathy.. its nice to see you again.

I stumbled on the line of whats left to be forgotten
& draw hope around the stains that my heart cried
while it lie bleeding at your feet

I loved you before..
where angels wept upon broken bones of hope
in valleys of lost spirits
..where sorrow has made its home

be(lie)ve me

no, I dont miss you.

there are pieces of me breaking in sorrow's thunder
I've kissed the lips of apathy
& tasted love's soured tongue
...I miss the way you feel

surprise surprise..

who would of thought being dumped 5 minutes after sex would have such a negative effect on me? ...intimacy & sense of self issues. great..

happy birthday Aaron

Mr. Fino

I miss you. not a day goes by in which I dont think of you. I'm so sorry for the way everything happened between us. know doing what I did was the only way to take care of myself. & thats what you always wanted, wasnt it? your absence from my life is palpable. & painful. but I am so thankful to have met you.. the impact you made on my life will never be forgotten. maybe in another life I'll find you there.. when we're cats.. & the simple problems of our mortal world fail to exist & we can be friends again.. until then.. you'll never leave my heart.. I love you.

its a long road ahead..

If you dwell on the 'ifs' and put constraints on how things should be then you will never find happiness