'One of the hardest things to do in this world is to watch someone you love & care about lose themselves right before your tear filled eyes. All because they think they aren’t good enough to be loved, don’t deserve to have real love, and they can’t see how beautiful of a person they truly are.

You’re basically forced to watch the person you love slowly die in front of you from the inside out. The only thing you can do is keep them in your heart, hold their heart inside of you forever & never allow yourself to forget the Angel that they will always be in your eyes.

I will remember who you really are until the day I take my last breath. That I promise you.'

DevilDriver: Horn Of Betrayal lyrics

What the fuck do you want from me?
It's so damn plain to see that you're not grateful
Silence takes courage
No scars, no truth but the wounds tell the story
Of what will be done for honor and glory

Silence is deafening
Does the end justify the means?
In all honesty, how do you sleep?

Silence takes courage
The horn of betrayal
Sounds loudly for the fallen
While mine eyes are worlds away

Watch cowards as they bend [Incomprehensible]
Scratch a liar, find a thief
Inside is where the demon dwells
So I bite my tongue and when it comes to you

Silence takes courage
Your heart needs amputation
Crying the get-lost blues, fuck you

Silence is deafening
The horn of betrayal
Sounds loudly for the fallen
While mine eyes are worlds away

Watch cowards as they bend [Incomprehensible]
Scratch a liar, find a thief
Through the lies and the blasphemy
You are fucking dead to me
You are dead to me

This de los muerte, this day of the dead
It turns for me celebration instead
Skull and bones, walking away from the throne
To seek another kingdom, another kingdom
Another kingdom, another kingdom

Your selfish lies
Your selfish waves of sorrow washed over me
Your selfish lies, like a sea of new memories, lies

my heart is weeping for the pieces of me that will never know anything other than your name..

rapture.

in the whispers of the universe our souls made promises to eternity ~ scared vows as mortals we could not keep ~ I carved the alchemy of my heart's mourning on the trembling lips of lovers dancing in the marble.d walls of heaven

I wish we'd met when I thought I could fly; when you believed in magic. I wish we'd met before the world stripped us of our innocence. ~ Heather Grace Stewart

I had a few moments of peace yesterday..

say hell~o to me. xx

...

I 'spose I dont mind the pain so much. it reminds me I'm still alive..

no one has ever shaken me quite like this..

was it worth it?

the chances we took for the love we made? I cant fight this sinking feeling in my chest. the second my mind returns to the thought of what happened I break down. I can barely function through the day it hurts so damn much.. was the hope of a future with this man worth the friendship I've lost..?

so..

how in the hell did I end up the 'friend' to the ex that I still love, the 'friend' that has to listen to him cry about being in love with this other woman.. how did I become that? to top of all my 'whys' I now have the 'why not me?' built in.. maybe some people never see the amazing things they had until its too late.. because the distance is too much. because 'its not like you're right down the street'. one day, I hope to find someone who knows love knows no time or distance, no true fear too much to keep them from me.. someone who loves me as much as I love(d) him..

Kick Ass, eggs & p.b.

so even with stitching open wounds & a new found peace I still am finding things I have to disconnect my love from. things you wouldnt expect to hurt, like a movie you watched together. food, smells.. I think it stems from a leftover sense of rejection. & even while I know now I wasnt rejected, that the unnamed party had too many issues of his own to deal with, theres a part of me thats still attempting to shake it. no one man has ever carved his name on my heart like this. maybe the feeling of rejection is layered with a want for love.. whatever is, I look forward to the day my soul is rid of it completely.

*for those of you following me here, thank you. it means more than you know. although 'articles' like this were more for my sake, to vent really, I do hope I can possibly help someone, anyone to know they are not the only one feeling these ways. comments are always welcome. xx

Mr. Fino

I miss you. not a day goes by in which I dont think of you. I'm so sorry for the way everything happened between us. know doing what I did was the only way to take care of myself. & thats what you always wanted, wasnt it? your absence from my life is palpable. & painful. but I am so thankful to have met you.. the impact you made on my life will never be forgotten. maybe in another life I'll find you there.. when we're cats.. & the simple problems of our mortal world fail to exist & we can be friends again.. until then.. you'll never leave my heart.. I love you.

today..

trying not to feel guilty about hurting someone because I have to take care of me.. he broke my heart by ending the relationship. I now break his by ending the friendship. (& batter my own a little more in the process) I hope one day it doesnt hurt as much.. for now I'm still licking my wounds.

I miss my best friend, more than anything I ever have. I'm sorry Mr. Fino..

And There Was Nonelouder

I feel like I've been holding my breath for two years for this man. This beautifully flawed perfectionist of a man. Who just happens to live over 1,000 miles away and will be even further across the U.S. in two months. We've decided to give a relationship a try. Who knows if anything will even come together in the end. Nothing in this life is certain but I refuse to live with what ifs.

Every now & then I have to force a gasp just to know this isn't some fairytale I've created in my head from loneliness. From it I've learned the beauty of pain is being able to appreciate love that much more, even if it seems to be one sided. Even if it feels like everything you never knew you always wanted could slip through your fingers in one moment.

Like you've given so much of yourself that there's not even enough left for you at times.

What else are you supposed to do when your heart belongs to someone long before you ever gave it away?

I am clad in a dreamer's hope, making smoke signals with my beggar's blanket, praying my love will soon follow. Gives a whole new meaning to keeping warm, doesn't it?

Although sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean, attempting to swim to shore with one arm. Like I've painted an unrealistic portrait of love. But isn't choking on the butterflies how its supposed to be? The feeling that you've found home hidden in their eyes, like that's where you belong.

Sometimes I think that even if everything in you is screaming for your heart not to get broken, sometimes you just have to dive in face first. Be prepared to hit your head on the concrete & live with no regrets.