Thursday, March 4, 2010

And There Was Nonelouder

I feel like I've been holding my breath for two years for this man. This beautifully flawed perfectionist of a man. Who just happens to live over 1,000 miles away and will be even further across the U.S. in two months. We've decided to give a relationship a try. Who knows if anything will even come together in the end. Nothing in this life is certain but I refuse to live with what ifs.

Every now & then I have to force a gasp just to know this isn't some fairytale I've created in my head from loneliness. From it I've learned the beauty of pain is being able to appreciate love that much more, even if it seems to be one sided. Even if it feels like everything you never knew you always wanted could slip through your fingers in one moment.

Like you've given so much of yourself that there's not even enough left for you at times.

What else are you supposed to do when your heart belongs to someone long before you ever gave it away?

I am clad in a dreamer's hope, making smoke signals with my beggar's blanket, praying my love will soon follow. Gives a whole new meaning to keeping warm, doesn't it?

Although sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of an ocean, attempting to swim to shore with one arm. Like I've painted an unrealistic portrait of love. But isn't choking on the butterflies how its supposed to be? The feeling that you've found home hidden in their eyes, like that's where you belong.

Sometimes I think that even if everything in you is screaming for your heart not to get broken, sometimes you just have to dive in face first. Be prepared to hit your head on the concrete & live with no regrets.

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