winter.ed (in) white

dying airs of eden

Kick Ass, eggs & p.b.

so even with stitching open wounds & a new found peace I still am finding things I have to disconnect my love from. things you wouldnt expect to hurt, like a movie you watched together. food, smells.. I think it stems from a leftover sense of rejection. & even while I know now I wasnt rejected, that the unnamed party had too many issues of his own to deal with, theres a part of me thats still attempting to shake it. no one man has ever carved his name on my heart like this. maybe the feeling of rejection is layered with a want for love.. whatever is, I look forward to the day my soul is rid of it completely.

*for those of you following me here, thank you. it means more than you know. although 'articles' like this were more for my sake, to vent really, I do hope I can possibly help someone, anyone to know they are not the only one feeling these ways. comments are always welcome. xx

the gatekeeper

spiritual vagrant, humming in the tones of black
a godless requiem for mute souls
dying stars marble shadows in an artificial night

e.motionless in marbled white

I shouldnt be surprised really.

expectation is the root of all disappointment. am I weeding out the ones who dont understand me & cant nourish me spiritually or I am just pushing everyone away..

I've never been a traditional girl. I write my own rules when it comes to matters of the heart. I am clad in a dreamer's hope, making smoke signals with my beggar's blanket, praying my love will soon follow. Gives a whole new meaning to keeping warm, doesn't it?

heaven awaits.

finally.. after 8 months I am at peace. a 4 hour call, some vintage emotions & a broken innocence splayed before me.. finally.. I can just breathe.

love is precious. love is life. shattered souls are too common these days. hopefully one day they will find peace. until then, my heart aches for you..

eulogy for hope.

one day,
I'll leave my heart somewhere I never loved you,
because I have always loved you..

midnight in the city.

wrong way.

some days

'even the strongest sense of self couldn't wash you off me..'

all I want for christmas

is my heart back..

'with elegies curling up my spine
carving into my mind
that I.. am just an afterthought..'

*excerpt from my piece 'Funeral Dirge'

bruising the skies

I am the mistress of a dying sun
who's maddening shame gave way to black
neath undertones of opium & abandoned
where love is religion, lost in translation

my heart, it still bleeds
on the floor where you left it
neath your selfish shoes

'I pointed out to you the stars and all you saw was the tip of my finger.' ~ African proverb

tell me..

why does the universe still scream your name?..

'does it hurt to feel me feel you?'

be(lie)ve

in the ruins of vanity

there was a time he was the all around never ending of me
the upside of down in me..
I used to bend myself beautiful in pretty words & a lover's hope..
I'd leave my heart written on dying stars
crimsoned in flames,
coiled in my love
scattered in miles of heavens he'd never look up to see

I was left barely there
standing naked, dressed in silence before the storm
...if only I had loved myself that way...

I have found life since then
scribbled on the sides of mystic moons
& cavernous pains
free from ego stained trappings
splayed in naked innocence
& severed stitches..

of lace & scathefire

he stitched himself in the hems of my mind
in the fringe of beautiful disarray
where midnight sprites dance upon ponds of ebony
in the twisting silence of ancient willows
where passion was life..
breath..
in lost reveries of a heart long forgotten
cast aside
for the love of self
for something more..

fragmented, poetic

under shadows of dawn
scarlet twisted & numb
this is where he left me
burning in embers of love, vintage
where autumn weeps
unhinged in a raven's sigh
silent.. & fire white

"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music." ~ Soren Kierkegaard