wasting the dawn

I'll take these memories in exchange for my sanity.. ~ spiritual purification through the art of self destruction ~ the beauty of tragedy..

a broken trend.kill

heart.sick
& coughing up blood from the dirt of graves
I was barely there
splayed in naked innocence

I was left in the remnants of a broken dream
sideways shaken
& sunday slit..

I have died in the ways one only can in love
where in between the spaces it fades to gray
hell.bent against the finality of things

....& gasping I see
crumbling in my self preserving hands
that darkened spot where hope rots in free minds

these are the overtones of a spiritual rebirth...

washing off the dirt of graves

um..???

giant screaming warning sign or what? first my horoscope then this is the first thing I see on twitter when I havnt paid attention to that site in days.

Things are not always as they appear. Be mindful not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions based on observation alone.

time is melting

dead on.

Today's Full Moon illuminates your 5th House of Romance and Creativity, making this a day for love. But excitement can bring a few surprises along with it. You may not be assessing others realistically now, although it's a gift to be able to see the highest potential in anyone you meet. Be careful not to judge things by their appearance alone, for the truth may not be as pretty as the attractive veneer.

falling off kilter

so why does doing the right thing for yourself still have to hurt so much.. either I hurt myself more by staying in the friendship or I keep breaking my own heart this way. love.. she is a double edged sword..

its a long road ahead..

If you dwell on the 'ifs' and put constraints on how things should be then you will never find happiness

quote

The road to heaven passes through hell. Digging through darkness is how you find the doors to fulfillment. Today, you can be certain that your challenges are clearing the way for something better to come along." - Yehuda Berg

today..

trying not to feel guilty about hurting someone because I have to take care of me.. he broke my heart by ending the relationship. I now break his by ending the friendship. (& batter my own a little more in the process) I hope one day it doesnt hurt as much.. for now I'm still licking my wounds.

I miss my best friend, more than anything I ever have. I'm sorry Mr. Fino..

transcending: an evolution of self

I once found shelter in burning bridges,
under where you left pieces of yourself
scattered... in the all around never ending of me..
....you've only yet to find the winds still whisper my name
.......as if it hasnt always been written on the tip of your tongue

for my friend Ben

eat me pills

you keep me coming un.bent in needles
& pins
sideways dusted sorrow with the narrow-mindedness
of the spiritually blind
slit my eyelids to see through your lies

hell ~o again

so I figured after some recent feedback on my work it was about time to reintroduce myself. first I want to thank anyone who has ever stopped by to read my writings & anyone who has identified with even a line from one of my poems. it means more than you'll ever know.

I guess I'm writing this cuz I feel the constant need to explain myself so I'm not misunderstood. (thanks to a.. no longer friend for pointing that out) its funny how sometimes all you need is an outside perspective to help you see things you normally wouldnt, or even in a different light. also because its been pointed out to me that I tend to compartmentalize my feelings. the dark parts & sadness in me goes into my writing. I guess this must make me look like quite the cutter.. that couldnt be further from the truth. I'm an extremely peaceful happy person, quite in love with life. I love being me. my writing comes from my life experiences. heart broken & losing friends left & right these days.. sometimes my work appears quite morbid & full of self pity. I'm really not that way at all. being a libra & constantly trying to keep balance every part of me has to go somewhere. seems I just feel things with much more intensity than most..

reflections, faceless

somewhere between Hell
& 27 yrs old
.......4 am

joint burnt fingers & resin remnants

muses always mock the loudest late night

lips cracked from too many lonely whispers
of life's diseased beliefs
& how it poisons everything..
the twisted perception of a broken heart..

& under the piss damp blanket of city lights
love dies in vain..

Rosetta at The Blvd

City Of Ships


City Of Ships


Rosetta

Rosetta

that empty spot in my chest where my heart used to be

its only been 3 days & my heart aches for him. I lost my best friend a few days ago.. well more like 2 months ago after we broke up but the friendship has been breaking backs for a while. gawd I miss him so much.. whats left of my heart knows that with the way things happened between him & I, chances are this thing wont be able to be fixed. I was closer to him than anyone. I miss my friend. & it feels like its eating me inside & theres nothing I can do about it. how else I am supposed to feel when the one that had my heart had a list of priorities that didnt include my love..

be patient & strong; one day this pain will be useful

the dead air of things

"grace on fire"
the heavens called it..

there was a war inside me..
lightening. chasing
chaos
bondage
........oh the cliques of toasting to death...

barely breathing & naked sitting in lament before the silence
I forgot myself in where my sin began
under summered skin
& I've grown tired of the light..


I'll see you in my dreams

in the beauty of tragedy

"sweet little alchemist..."
he whispered
"did you always believe that butterflies were white?
phantom tipped?
& singed with the solace of love?"

"sometimes" I sighed
"sometimes the sparrow's breath kissed my lips
& I forgot this place wasnt heaven."

it's unsobering..
the days that passed since I wandered fraying tourniquets
& angel stitched
.......I watched the rivers burn
& danced in the alchemy of backwards reveries

............ fairytale
.fractured.

like the washing off of stains..

lost in spokane

so..

seems the only one I'll ever be able to really count on is myself.. dont they teach this growing up?

scissored & rosed

labels dont always match those colorless emotions
they reach, boundless..
beyond the fire
flame digging under the adaptation of vacant stares
.........
( how could you just walk away.. )
.....in the presence of balance & dreams
like.. a letting go of sorts
that (so)mber.. (pathetic)
melodic sympathy.. fallen on deaf ears

ruint

city lights fell black~eyed, I found her~gin soaked mind on her knees~tatter-ratted like some poor beggar~skeleton thick &breaking new skin

self preservation is a bitch

we're all born with Hope, but some remove it for self-protection ~ Brian Carlin

http://theprimate.wordpress.com/

thought..

We fail love, love doesn't fail us...

blah

with the birth & death of the day~instincts recognize~silent sins~silence within~your expression echos & mimics the dead air between us

sometimes

even the best intentions cant fixed a fucked up situation

"Be Patient And Tough; One Day This Pain Will Be Useful"


My fingers tremble dialing your number
"Hello, you've reached the rest of my life. I'm sorry I don't have time for your
love right now but please leave your broken heart at the beep & I'll be sure to get back to you when its convenient to me."

*from my piece The 11:35 to Phoenix
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/2969/

Ginsberg said it best..

"an arthritic heart"

love, lost

"Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man's true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound and act with spontaneous skill and love, even from that place" - DAVID DEIDA

at points

I feel I can no longer trust anyone to be who they appear to be anymore. when did things become so fake? maybe I'm just too full of love to see it sometimes.. pseudo salutations.. the world.. everything is so plastic some days. how do people in your day to day life, that have been there for years, that you'd trust everything with become such.. so.. hollow. is the only reality my own?

note to self

funny how I still find it easier to admit everything here than in person. there is some sort of comfort & security about splaying your life to the world from behind a computer screen.. this little quote is now a constant reminder of how it really should be. & to never settle for anything less than I deserve. ever notice how it still hurts.. even when you know thats the truth?..

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you.

(me)

today I string together ribbons of my subconscious, unfolding the physical manifestations of my souls longings for balance. that harmony in life, love. the quiet minds dream.

*live.laugh.love*

welcome to my world

Saturday, July 3, 2010

You may be on a life-long quest to find balance in your world. If this is true, then today can bring the birth of a new purpose, for the current imbalance may not be letting you rest. First you rush ahead into something new, yet you still struggle to let down your protective walls. Ultimate harmony may be elusive, but you'll feel better now if you simply moderate the extremes.