I was gonna post something like
if I don't feel I can truly feel myself with anyone, does that mean I have to be myself, with myself..more?
then I remembered, if anyone read it & did care, I'm sure theyre tired of poor little broken hearted dark girl. searching for herself, sense of belonging & peace.
I'm tired of her.
embrace your quirks. they make you unique & precious. what if I dont want to feel so unique?
fuck it. internalize. whatever.
it was odd to see him yesterday. in all honestly I look back now & feel like a little frightened child running from my emotional schoolyard bully. now it seems almost like a dream. the one person I had loved more than anything, he knew me. not like anyone else does. & all I could do turn & walk away in fear. half hoping he didnt see me. like he would know it was me & I could be so casual to just wave & be all 'just stoppin by cuz I was around the area' with him as it seems after everything he actually could be with me..
I'm tired of being the only one that gives a shit.
even after I shut everything else out, this will forever be the one place I can hope to put my thoughts & feelings & have them mean something, to someone, anyone, one day.
...everyone has to have some kinda of blind faith..right? ?