I'm still in love with him. I realized that today. but I can barely admit it to myself let alone to him. idk maybe it makes me nervous how easy it is/was for him to go from loving me, to leaving me.. & now loving me again like theres no way he could ever do anything but love me.. he says hes in no hurry & he'll prove himself to me.. (as he should)

they say you never know how strong you are til its the only choice you have.

truth is I'm probs way needy right now. yes lets play the 'poor me everyone leaves' card as one so likes to refer to it as. I've become closed off to everyone. ..I probably need more reassurance than hes able to give, once again. I feel so alone..

loving him means I risk having my heart broken again. I've already lost my bff over it. so question is.. is it worth it?..




..tonight I'm looking for reasons to exist.

sometimes I become a little embarrassed splaying my soul here.. my emotions & fears. love & insecurities. I mean, I started this for me.. but then I remember..its not like anyone pays attention anyways. so when it comes to posts like this I'm thankful I guess.