one of the last times I saw my ex he said to me 'youre naked before you even take your clothes off.' ....

this past week or so is the best I've felt since everything happened. I've been happy, felt alive.

the idea of being completely exposed to someone is more terrifying than I ever imagined. but he was right. who I am now.. is completely naked. the parts like this, the ones that hurt that I dont want anyone to see, theyre there, open in my eyes & even with as protected as I try to keep myself.

it seems like the world has forgotten how to be honest, to be real. everyone is so surface level, hiding behind their masks. its safer that way I spose. people harden.

sometimes I wish I could. maybe the idea of putting myself out there for love wouldnt be so.. .... ...makes me feel like the bubble boy. too fragile maybe. too open & too honest & too real. never thought I'd look at it as being too real..

I'm feeling so vulnerable & pretty scared at how easily my heart could be crushed again..

tonight is the first time I cried over everything in a while.. ok maybe a week or so. hell its hard to remember how long it was ago.. I just kinda pushed it all away to be able to deal. as hard as it is tonight to be back in this place I know it wont last. it helps me to let go & move on. & in a way, the tears are freeing..