the tao of silence & white

as if there was a part of me his love had not yet violated
I can still see my reflection in the dark sarcasm of his fading memory

helps me to forget the image of his fingertips touching my lips..

I have been blessed..

in the darkest parts of me I wept in a silence unforgotten
it was him that set my soul free, kisses breathing emerald fire
he taught me love from ancient hymns of passion..

let me lie quiet inside his mind, in the places where habits lead to doubt
where frailty sighs in dying winds
where my heart aches for his touch
in beauty & light
forever, always

atheist prayers & the pardon ov god

of emerald fire

...

why was everything else more important to you than me..?

days a ruinous gray
marbled white in the ashes of dawn
somber spiral of spiritual anarchy, a descent into silence of night
his name a shattered breath on my lips..

cervantes.

days bleed a sobering unconsciousness
razorblade words drip from a self righteous tongue
graffiti'd preconceived notions of love poisons free minds

under sorrow's ashes
ink stains of regret wet my brow
the angels blood spills still

well well.

I think it hurts more than anything to know I still love him. that I still care. when 'sometimes I felt more alone than he had time for.' all these months later.. & for what really? only to be shown the same thing as when we were dating. some things (like a music career) are just more important. emotional obligation is too much for some people.. I guess no matter how close you were, when one person cares more than the other, some friendships you just cant save..

"May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrows wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays." ~Anonymous

...

sick to fuckin death of fake ass selfish rude people. they say you lose the people that are wrong for you to make room in your life for more important ones.. I dont think I've ever felt more alone than I do today..