A Mute Requiem For Vanity

carve out the eyes of my heart
I should of left before it couldn't hear anything other than his name
& like ripping through tiny little stitches
a burning lilac breath
............& awareness fills my mind

behind stardust & whiskey
I imagine him & I under a moonless sky
in the foolish hope of a forever (kind of) love
dancing upon molten wings of fallen gods

...........like my love was strong enough to drown out the hollowed moans of our ghosts

but if this is love
I know now why the stars are bleeding
for my tired eyes ache
of deaf whispers from my lonely heart
I wish I was blind

behind sulfur rain
in a reflective haze, you'll find me going under
screaming paralytic
with nothing left..... .but the static ringing in my ears

Lilyflower.ed Photography

Lilyflower.ed

I walk motionless through an emptiness, hollowed
he says I rain down sulfur on his moonless nights
painting dreamscapes of how my tarnished heart fluttered
.............when love wasnt a self-consuming wound
& my body would melt with his
limbs entangled like a Mozart overture

& once I was an open ocean of vintage frailties
like the love I realigned in the heavens for him

now a horizon-less mo(u)rning
like Alice down the rabbit hole
& I can still remember all the things he never said

Favs From A Spokane River Shoot

*listening to
The Ocean - Untimely Meditations

Love Is A Self-Consuming Wound

I left my heart down by the river's edge



meet me there my love..

Note To Self

I am way too awesome to lose myself because of a broken heart.

In A Reflective Haze

every time my world slows down I go there. to that fucking feeling that I've been hollowed out. keeping myself from bursting into hysterical tears today at work was one of the hardest things I think I've done. clawing to keep myself together when I feel like I'm falling apart. well not falling apart but it sure feels that way when I think about him. so how do you find that balance of dealing with your emotions while trying not to push it all away. cuz I just cant keep going back there. that empty feeling. so how else am I supposed to let go & just get the fuck out of my head..

so because I cant control my emotions & heart with my mind & thoughts, am I the one making myself hurt? seems to be so by his logic. I understand to a point that its all about how you react to a situation but wtf? you dont choose who you love. cuz if you did, I wouldnt love him.

to steal & tweak a line from Jefferson Starship ~ "if only he believed in love like I do.."

I think all this time I've needed to love myself like I've loved him. I think thats a big part of me being the gray in his green. so now its me time. I've found a sense of self with this whole sink or swim mentality as of late. if I dont continue to focus on me & what makes me happy I'm afraid I'll crack. something I should have been doing anyways but I only just realized who I am (or should I say have been creating who I want to be) & what I want from my life. so maybe all this is a blessing in disguise. because I havnt been living, until now.

Of Ghosts & Sulfur Rains

have I been fooling myself?
the magnetic connection
click & spark
that electric explosion of energy between us
was it ever really there
or had I imagined it the whole time?

maybe I've been in love with the man I wanted him to be & he was just never capable of giving me what I needed
maybe I've never really known love at all & it was all just a self projection of what I wanted love to be

does fairytale love exist?


Behind stardust & whiskey
I imagine him & I under a moonless sky
in the foolish hope of a forever (kind of) love
dancing upon molten wings of fallen gods

*listening to
The Ascent of Everest ~ Molotov

Severed Stitches Photography

The Biggest Moment Yet In My Writing (scratch yet, EVER!!!)

My favorite singer/poet re-posted the link to my poem, Severed Stitches!!!
(I'm DescendingDown)!
http://twitter.com/otepofficial