When I needed more of his heart than his mind could offer, he left. Just when I needed him the most.
Since then I've decided with the recent turn of events of us not talking, that theres not even a piece of me left that wants to be with him anymore.. The only parts that hurt are the ones that still love him & miss his presence by my side. The ones that ache for that kind of connection we had, or the pieces that long for a love to help remind me of who I am when I forget. I miss his laugh.
It was one of those "I love you but I'm not in love with you." things. "Love was killed for me, I'm numb to it & just not the same anymore." "I have to do what I have to do." & if he can honestly fucking look at me & be ok with knowing that one night while he's alone & thinking of me that I just might be in the arms of another man & that this other man would move mountains & realign the heavens just to be with me, & still be ok with the way things are, then he never deserved my heart.
When we stopped talking before he had told me it felt like pieces of him were missing. I guess it was never really me who completed his puzzle.
Yet with as surprised as I am at how strong I've become almost overnight it seems, I know now that I dont ever want to let anyone make me feel this way ever again. So I guess the question remains.. to risk or to not risk it all for love?