sex is the ultimate meditation.

It's all come to this
A war for control
To cleanse eden of impurities in death
Where all is deception
Lost in shadows
& the one they fear
Is the devil inside

inside, I'm screaming.

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
— The Invitation , Oriah Mountain Dreamer

'One of the hardest things to do in this world is to watch someone you love & care about lose themselves right before your tear filled eyes. All because they think they aren’t good enough to be loved, don’t deserve to have real love, and they can’t see how beautiful of a person they truly are.

You’re basically forced to watch the person you love slowly die in front of you from the inside out. The only thing you can do is keep them in your heart, hold their heart inside of you forever & never allow yourself to forget the Angel that they will always be in your eyes.

I will remember who you really are until the day I take my last breath. That I promise you.'

“When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration of knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do you cant change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.”
— Chase Brooks

can I be so dramatic as to say I'm wondering these days if I even exist? a silly question perhaps, but given the current circumstances of my situation I'd have to say all I'm doing is existing. cuz I'm sure as hell not living.

I'm in (a) s.hell

“Love, however, cannot be forbidden. The more that flame is covered up, the hotter it burns. Also love can always find a way. It was impossible that these two whose hearts were on fire should be kept apart.”
— Edith Hamilton (Mythology: Pyramus and Thisbe)

love is a fight. but sometimes it feels safer to stand at a distance so I can watch it lie on the ground bleeding & poke it with a stick.