would you ever just not love someone cuz you knew that losing them would rip you to pieces? ..

just the thought feels cowardly..

but how do you not invest everything into love? into the hopes & dreams of a forever? ... the people I've had in my life that *really* knew me.. have been so few & far between that I can count them on less than 5 fingers. so to find a man I feel I can share everything about me with without fear of being judged or misunderstood.. I feel truly blessed.

he's the only person I feel I can be that way with. so what happens if it doesnt work out? ... shattered doesnt even begin to cover it.. I go back to a feeling of wondering if I'm always feeling like nobody knows me, really understands all of me, then does that mean maybe I should know me better? to avoid such despair at the possible end of my relationship? over the last year or so its been the only conclusion I've been able to come to..

the possibilities of what I could lose are far greater than they've ever been..